Of Grooms, Best Men and Wives

My parents wedding anniversary happens to be two days after that of my father's best man. They commenced their 44th and 45th year or marriage, respectively. Over the Christmas break, both families spent some time together sharing stories and good times. One of those stories was the intriguing - though nerve wracking for some - saga of my father's role and duty as a best man. With the delayed presence of the groom, the best man was faced with the choice of absconding or standing in for his mate. This brings a whole new meaning to "power of attorney".

Proceeding from this tale, a question was posed as to where in the bible a wife was given to the best man rather than the groom. Expanding the question, where in the bible are best men or friends of the groom spoken about? For bible scholars, this probably an easy question. But majority of us do not pay attention to best men in our bible study. Our focus is on Christ the groom, the church as the wife, and those random virgins and their oil. So where is all this best man story coming from?

Samson

The fourteenth chapter of the book of Judges brings us the story of Samson, his Philistine wife, lions, honey, and riddles. The story goes that Samson saw a lady and liked her. He informed his parents about the lady and instructed them to get her for him as his wife. Despite considerable dispute, his father acquiesced and off they went to Timnah.

The chapter tells of Samson killing a lion with his bare hands, his courting of his lady interest, his discovery of honey within the lion carcass and his eventual wedding to the Philistine lady. During the wedding feast, Samson posed a riddle to some men. The riddle was based on his encounter with the lion and the honey within its carcass. Given the difficulty in solving the riddle, the men pressed Samson's wife to get the answer from her husband, which she did to avoid dire consequences.

Upon the men answering his riddle, Samson figured out their conniving ways with his wife and he was enraged. Thirty, presumably innocent men lost their lives that day for Samson to pay his debt. In his rage, he left his feast, with his wife being left behind. And Samson’s wife was given to his companion, who had been his best man (Judges 14:20). Chapter 15 shows us that the lady was actually cohabiting with Samson's best man despite their marriage. This led to the incident with the 300 foxes, fire, and lots of burnt crops. All in all, bad series of events.

John the Baptist

Later, in the third chapter of the gospel of John, there is a discussion had between John and his disciples. He and Jesus were baptizing believers, separately, in Judea in an area called Aenon. John's disciples seemed concerned that more people were going to Jesus for baptism than to him, yet John had baptized Jesus. I suspect they figured John would command a greater anointing for baptism.

John's response was to emphasize to them that man receives nothing unless it is given to him form heaven. He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled (John 3:29). The next verse is well known: He must increase, but I must decrease.

So what then

Contrasting these two stories, we see a clear dichotomy in each of the categories of actors:

The Grooms

Jesus	Samson
Anointed by God	Anointed by God
Knowingly doing God's work	Unknowingly doing God's work
Associating with God's people	Associating with enemies of God
Driven by love	Driven by anger, pride, and vengeance
Kept his bride	Abandoned his bride

The Best Men

John	Companion
Exulted the groom	Maligned the groom
Safe guarded the wife for the groom	Claimed and defiled the groom's wife
Relative and friend of the groom	Merely a companion
Abandoned the groom	Served the groom
His joy is in the groom's success	He is indifferent to the groom

The Brides/Wives

Jesus' Bride	Samson's Bride
Represents God's church	Represents God's enemy
Owned by the groom	Abandoned by the groom
Purified	Defiled
Heeds the grooms voice	Heeds the voice of others
Received eternal life	Died a firy death

Happily ever after?

While God's will - move against the Philistines - was done, the relationship between Samson, his wife, and best man failed to exemplify the kind of relationship that Jesus, John, and the believers showed. Samson's failure to be righteous judge had significant negative impact on him and his people. He was the last judge after all. When the groom does what is right, the best man's joy is fulfilled, as shown by Jesus and John. The bride is purified, accomplishes her purposes, and received life.

May we seek to be Christlike grooms, devoted best men, and purified brides.

In my father's case, it is evident that his joy is indeed fulfilled. This was on display as they both celebrated more than four decades of marriage, grown children, and growing grandchildren. No brides have been given to best men.